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I have given a great deal of thought to this word and what it means to me over the many years of my life. Now, as a senior "wise" woman, I can finally put a definition and unlikely cause to it that might not translate to "the many" – but here goes.
For starters, I grew up in a very different household than the one ideally spoken of in those times in America. My dad was agnostic, and my mother had a smattering of other religious ideas because her parents had different Christian ideologies – one an Episcopal and one a Catholic – so they decided to raise the kids in a third as a compromise. In addition, my mom always worked outside of our home for as long as I can remember. She was also promoted to a supervisory position in her firm when I was a teenager, which was fairly unusual when I think about it. It was very dissimilar to the cultural myth of white 50s and early 60s America.
Looking back on my life experiences, I realize I have always felt different and not quite accepted by many folks who surrounded me. While I walked among them, I didn't really feel included. I felt alone and a bit scared to be who I was inside. As a senior woman, I realize that many of my peers felt the same way because the myth of the culture was and is just that, a myth. I suspect folks outside my race/religion/sex probably have similar issues of feeling different – because we all actually are. As a coach for many years, I have heard countless stories revolving around this issue. It's so powerful because I think we all want to be accepted and included, but internally, we may not resonate with the stories we are told. We may act out in many different ways, trying to feel connected.
One metaphor in America might give us a clue about this dilemma – it's the melting pot story. A melting pot is a metaphor for a society where many different people blend as one. This story is a bit troublesome because although we may want to be included, how many of us want to melt to do that – give up our individual/unique identity and cultural background just to fit in? Will losing ourselves to the many strengthen or even explain us as a nation?
I would like to change the metaphor to describe us as a stir fry. In a stir fry, the ingredients don't dissolve in a melted mess – instead, they retain their unique flavor and add to the mix in a delightful and tasty way. Yes, they are tested under high heat, but that only enhances their individual flavor and contribution to the taste of the whole. While we may not savor one or two of the ingredients in the stir fry, it wouldn't be as tasty without all of them. And, so it is in life – we may not savor all the folks in our fry, but on some level, we get that it wouldn't be nearly as interesting without them. We don't lose our identity in the stir fry; we just enhance our flavor, strength, and contribution because we are different/unique yet included.
Stories are very powerful tools in our lives. It is so powerful that just by telling yourself something, your body responds to that story as truth and acts accordingly. Let's begin to tell ourselves the story of us – a unique yet powerful people who are all different, yet we all add so powerfully to the fabric of our nation.
Linda Isbell is from St. Louis, Mo – and lives in Florence, AL. College – Saint Louis University – Graduated Summa Cum Laude with a double major in Psychology and Communications. Currently Retired with a work background for two major corporations in administrative management and personal coaching using multiple disciplines to enact personal change. Selectively working with clientele using multiple certifications in disciplines that facilitate positive change either physically, mentally spiritually, or a combination thereof. Can be contacted at ldibell@aol.com
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