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This is a question that is most on my mind these days. About two years ago – coming out of the COVID scare and isolation – I received what probably is among the top emotional jolts of my lifetime. My husband of 40 years announced he was not happy and wanted a divorce.
The initial shock was beyond description – as we were, in my eyes, humming along. After 40 years together, I can’t say we lived with the excitement and passion of our early years, but I thought we were doing okay. We had always enjoyed similar interests and tastes; we did almost everything together and never really had many disagreements over the years. What was expected from a partner in their 70s was new territory, but I discovered it was different things in our case.
As time progressed and we moved through different stages toward the dissolution of our marriage and partnership (it took two years), little signs I had been ignoring on both sides became obvious. I won’t take the road so often traveled by others and blame my ex entirely for his actions (after all, we both have some responsibility here). I do, however, want to relate the chronological order of events that brought me to this point and the speculation about what the future might hold for me on my journey back to myself.
When we met, I was a successful businesswoman in corporate management with a large corporation at a time when very few women held these positions. In fact, I was the first in my company to do so. When we decided to get married, we did something unusual–we quit our jobs and moved to a neutral location. He didn’t want to move to my area, and I didn’t want to move to his for a number of reasons. Off we went on this new adventure.
I was the first to get a job. A new company was moving to the area, looking for just my skill set. He also got a job fairly quickly, although I don’t think he was all that happy. We managed for several years, and when his old company offered him a job in a new location, he decided to take it. Unbeknownst to me, that was the beginning of losing or hopefully misplacing my shine.
I am somewhat ashamed to admit that, little by little, I began to be an adjunct to his life and not an essential part of my own. I gave up on my career, thinking it would strengthen our marriage. He traveled quite a lot in his new position, and I just tagged along—the thinking was that absence really doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, and we were still relatively new to life with each other.
I am glad to say that during those years, I took the time to invest in my educational interests. I already had a degree in traditional psychology, and the new studies were a complement to potentially working with others to improve their lives—although what I studied was definitely not traditional. I have certifications in hypnosis, neuro/linguistic programming, quantum touch, Eden energy medicine, astrology, and handwriting analysis.
Eventually, we returned to his hometown – the last nail in my marriage coffin. As I originally suspected, this community wasn’t open and ready for a character like me. It is very conservative, which is a fine life choice for some but not for me – so it never really has been “my place .”I started a small coaching business, which slowly dried up because I concentrated on local clients – duh! I am sad to say his family, especially his mom, were never thrilled with me and managed not to hide it. When his parents were gone and my husband was nudged into early retirement, I thought this was the change I was yearning would occur.
Whether unfortunately or fortunately (my tale hasn’t ended just yet), this change really served to emphasize the cracks in our togetherness. Then Facebook happened, and as the divorce attorney mentioned, her business was no longer young folks but folks in their 60s and 70s who found a way to believe the grass was greener elsewhere.
So here we are at the end of this chapter and on the verge of beginning a new one for us both. As for me, I am moving to a new community. I have done a bit of a resurrection of my coaching business with clients from several places in the broader world this time, and I hope to expand when I get settled in the new place. I plan to get a dog, which I have sorely missed over these many years, and according to astrocartography, I have picked a place where I will discover hidden layers of my soul, where I am finally free to find myself and recognize fully why I didn’t pursue my own goals and what to do from here.
I am not Stella and a bit too old to get “my groove back,” but I am just the right age to clean up this rusty old relic—to get my shine back and finally trust my poise and confidence while following my own star.
-Linda Isbell is from St. Louis, Mo – and is currently living in Florence, AL . College – Saint Louis University – Graduated Summa Cum Laude with a double major in Psychology and Communications. Currently Retired with a work background for two major corporations in administrative management and personal coaching using multiple disciplines to enact personal change. Selectively working with clientele using multiple certifications in disciplines that facilitate positive change either physically, mentally or spiritually, or a combination thereof. Can be contacted at ldisbell@aol.com
That was a very interesting article. I enjoyed reading about your journey and wish you much success as you reclaim self.