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Closure eludes me. Or maybe it’s an illusion. Or maybe it’s an urban legend like Bigfoot.
Does anyone ever really have closure? People talk about it, but is it really a real thing? Seriously, does closure exist?
Maybe I just can’t see it, because I’m always spinning like a top painted in patterns of so many old traumas my damage blurs together,
because the world keeps turning every damn day.
Maybe closure is just for other people with less damage with simpler lives more linear sensibilities who do things in order. Open then shut. Beginning then ending.
Not like me always doing all the things one thing flowing into another thing before I’m done with the first thing and also another thing spinning all the things simultaneously.
Or maybe I’m confusing closure with shut down with being closed with the dams I have to lock down in order to keep from flooding all the folks downstream
because the world keeps turning every damn day.
The universe keeps spinning. We’re all just dust in a vortex.
Black holes exist. Life exists.
Death exists but it doesn’t bring closure. It opens up a whole new world. I know that for sure. I know grief. Grief exists. Grief exists
because the world keeps on turning every damn day.
Circling around the vortex that is this universe turning and turning and spinning itself back upon itself. Ruminating you might say.
You know what? I’m over closure.
I’m open. I’m bustin’ out. I’m taking a monkey wrench to this whole lock down operation. I’m about to release these waters and ride the waves. I’m gonna let it ripple and let it rumple and I don’t even care if it flushes it all down the vortex.
Because you can’t close the universe.
It flows. It keeps on turning and spinning all the things in all the directions all at once simultaneously.
So, we can keep hunting for closure and Bigfoot, if that’s your thing, but I’m just gonna keep my eyes open for what’s around the bend. See what flows in.
Maybe light the fuse, dive off this dam and let the water cycle take care of itself.
-Laura Delfino
Laura J Delfino is the mother’s hip at the mothership of Yes & Also Productions, where she employs her scattered mind and focused heart to a myriad of unpaid, yet valuable activities, including motherhood and artmaking.
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